tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19810012544944812172023-06-20T09:37:56.017-04:00What Would Jesus BlogI would've called it What Would Jenn Blog... but he's really the one working through me, so let's give him the credit. :)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-36863937811150682162013-08-07T22:33:00.002-04:002013-08-07T22:37:41.806-04:00Are You Longing For More?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Do you ever find yourself yearning for more? Even though you're not really sure what you want "more" of?<br />
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Do you keep thinking there has to be more to life than the monotonous routine you're stuck in day to day?<br />
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We've all had these feelings. Longing for more in our lives but not sure what it means or how to get it. That's because God wired us for a much richer experience than just bills, errands and work. He wants to have an intimate connection with us and to give us a life full of richness and blessings.<br />
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But it is a two way street and we need to pursue our relationship with God just as passionately as we would anything else we want in life. Often, it's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of pursuing the perfect job, the higher salary, the object of our romantic desires or the perfect home. But more importantly than any of these Earthly desires, is our soul's desire for a deeper experience.<br />
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As you go through your mundane daily activities, how aware are you of God's presence?<br />
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That's right! God is still there... when you're washing the dishes, picking up the kids at school or typing away at your desk. He never left your side and He wants you to do EVERYTHING for His glory. Even those daily activities that may seem trivial or insignificant.<br />
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So how can you be intentional about pursuing God every day and becoming more aware of His presence at all times?<br />
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<li>Start off each day with at least 10-15 minutes of quiet time with God. It might not sound like a lot, but starting your day off EVERY day by talking to God puts you in a grateful state of mind and opens your ears to God's voice.</li>
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<li>As you go through your daily activities, picture God right there beside you! That's right, visualize Him sitting in the cubicle next to you at work or in the car behind you in the carpool line. Remember, even though you cannot see Him, He is always with you. In fact, the more you tune in to His presence in this way, the more you will "see" and "hear" Him... in a song on the radio, the smile of a stranger passing by or the sun shining through your window.</li>
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<li>Ask yourself how you can bring glory to God in everything you do. Although you might think there is no way your mundane tasks can mean anything to God, they can. If you answer phones for a living, you can convey the love and patience of Christ in how you treat the people on the other end of the phone. If you serve hamburgers, do it with a smile and be the light in someone's otherwise dark day.</li>
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<li>Be grateful! God is always blessing us. All day, every day! But so often, we are too caught up in our busyness to realize it. Thank Him for every blessing you receive, both big and small. The parking spot close to the door or the highway free of traffic when you're running late to work. When you take the time to acknowledge your blessings and give thanks for them, you will find yourself not only closer to God's presence but enveloped in it.</li>
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<li>Say goodnight to Him every night. Just as important as beginning your day with God, is ending your day with God. Put all your cares on Him, thank Him for the blessings of your day and ask Him to show up tomorrow. By beginning and ending all of your days with God, whether they're significant or mundane, you keep yourself in His presence.</li>
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Your were designed to be in close relationship with God. Don't let the busyness of life steal that joy away. You already have the power to quench what your soul is longing for... all you have to do is LOOK UP.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-11281252226317736532013-08-07T16:00:00.001-04:002013-08-07T16:00:47.352-04:00Saving the Children of MoldovaI recently attended the She Speaks Conference in Concord, NC and was privileged to meet the people of Children's HopeChest. They had a table set up in the lobby for the entire length of the conference but what really got my attention was a video that was played for us during a break-out session about serving out of your passion.
Two of the ladies at the conference had won a mission trip to Moldova as part of a contest at last year's She Speaks. They went to Moldova, not knowing what exactly to expect or how they would be able to make a difference. Both of their stories brought everyone in the room to tears... how moved they were to meet the young girls that had been rescued from a life of sex trafficking and how God used each of their past experiences to help these girls in the present.
When you have a moment, check them out at www.hopechest.org or like them on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ChildrensHopeChest.
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4raqcQJp_Os/UgKnT7LjHoI/AAAAAAAADVA/_6RBpnuTmrc/s1600/She+Speaks+stand.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4raqcQJp_Os/UgKnT7LjHoI/AAAAAAAADVA/_6RBpnuTmrc/s320/She+Speaks+stand.jpg" /></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-39325465478604495052013-08-01T11:55:00.000-04:002013-08-01T11:55:15.329-04:00Tired of Putting Your Dog in a Kennel? Board With Me Instead!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Szl7fw6hngA/UfqEvERjxmI/AAAAAAAADR0/FaCCqE1OKNU/s1600/dog_kennel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Szl7fw6hngA/UfqEvERjxmI/AAAAAAAADR0/FaCCqE1OKNU/s320/dog_kennel.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="overflow:hidden"><img src="//d3v5re2uls2olh.cloudfront.net/img/pack-leader/dogvacay-certified.png" style="float:left"/> <div style="float:left; margin-left:10px; width: 300px; font-size:13px">You never have to go to a kennel again! Check out my home dog boarding profile on <a href="https://dogvacay.com">DogVacay.com</a> and use my coupon code GIMMETEN to get $10 off your first booking.<br/><a href="http://dogvacay.com/pro/justlikehome" >http://dogvacay.com/pro/justlikehome</a> </div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-30083109963595191322013-04-11T23:47:00.000-04:002013-04-11T23:47:03.744-04:00MeI am many things. I am a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a niece, an aunt and a mother of four-legged children. I am a Fourth of July baby, a thirtysomething, a Yankee and a fiesty redhead.<div>
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I am a child of God. I am the daughter of a heavenly Father that loves me and speaks to me in a soft whisper. I am the instrument He uses to reach others and help them through their trials, some that I have faced myself. I am blessed to have what I do and I am humbled by the blessings He continues to give me.</div>
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I am a lover of all animals, most especially dogs. I would run in front of a car to save a dog and not think twice. I cover my face when I pass a truck carrying chicken coops. I stop for injured or lost animals and will spend hours driving around until they get to safety. I want to save every last animal in this world that is in danger, mistreated, neglected or in a shelter. I cry inside (and sometimes outside) when I think of how many there are out there. And then I hug my dogs tighter and tell them how much I love them.</div>
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I am a writer of words. Sad words, happy words, funny words and inspired words. I am an instrument for God who speaks through me. I write for people I know and people I will never meet. I write stories that need to be told, stories that inspire me and stories for those that need to be inspired. I write about people that overcome adversity, people helping their neighbors and people just having fun.</div>
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I am a girly girl who loves make-up, clothes and hair. I love glitter and my favorite colors are still purple and pink. I like to dress up but my favorite outfit is still yoga pants and a t-shirt. I love to shop, watch HGTV and read People magazine. But I also love comic books, video games and NASCAR. I'll yell at the TV during a UFC fight and have a heart attack during a football game. I can recite the lines in Tombstone as easily as in The Princess Bride. </div>
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Sometimes I still feel like a shy and reserved little girl, while other times I'll dance in front of a crowd, fly down a mountain on a zipline or go work in a foreign land. I am an introvert, not one to be the center of attention. I am always thinking, thinking, thinking and I have emotions for days. I am intuitive sometimes more than I want to be and am very aware of what's going on with me, my family and my friends, sometimes before it's even happened. </div>
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I am always trying to get people together because I value quality time. I like to pick out the perfect gifts for people, making mental notes months ahead of time sometimes. I like to catch up with friends in person, not text or email. I love going out and experiencing new things, seeing new places and being active. But I love a day in bed, wearing pj's and watching television with the blinds closed too.</div>
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I am a hopeless romantic and love spoiling my partner with little cards, gifts and surprises. I love having jokes and stories that only we understand. I love traveling, going out and celebrating with them. And I love lazy, cuddle days. I love with 100% of my being and do not even understand the concept of cheating. I value honesty, respect, faithfulness and kindness in a partner. I love with all my heart.</div>
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I am anxious and a worrier like my mom and run late and have a temper sometimes like my dad. But I also can find you a great bargain or name just about any song from the 50's. I can't make decisions to save my life and my house is maniacally neat.</div>
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I am a country girl, a city girl, a beach girl and a mountain girl, all rolled into one. I am calmed by water and can just sit and stare at the ocean for hours. I would love to live on a farm with lots of land for animals or in a bungalow on the beach. I want to see Belgium, England, France, Italy and Australia. I am still afraid of flying.</div>
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I want to help people that are where I have been. I want to help victims of domestic violence and help bring about an understanding that is still severely lacking. I want to comfort cancer patients and their families and those in hospice homes. I want to reassure those that struggle with anxiety and depression. I want to help people whose struggles I don't know... the homeless on the street, children in Africa and the elderly who feel alone. </div>
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I want the world to slow down. I want everyone to stop being obsessed with technology, social media and cell phones. I want teachers and firefighters to be the ones we look up to, not actors and socialites. I want people to be kinder to one another and take time for each other. I want millionaires to donate their money to charity and not spend it all on cars and ridiculously expensive parties. I want kids to be kids again and play with play dough, Lite Brite and My Little Pony, not laptops and TV's. I want kids to stay kids and not have to think about sex, drugs or violence until they grow up.</div>
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I am not perfect but I am perfectly me. I am as God created me and His life flows through my every strength and flaw. I am ever-changing and yet still the same. I am the sum of all of my life experiences, both the good and the bad. I am the little girl my family called Jenny, the young adult named Jennifer, and the woman my friends call Jenn today. </div>
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I am me.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-5438756877124609622013-02-23T22:59:00.000-05:002013-02-23T22:59:40.026-05:00Repairvite Update #2Sorry that it's taken me a little while to post another update about the diet. Things have been busy lately but in a very good way.<br />
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So as for the diet, I don't feel like a whole lot has changed. I had my follow-up appointment with the naturopathic doctor about a week and a half ago and he said he thought we were "on the right track." I'm supposed to keep doing the supplements and restricted diet for 5 more weeks (ugh) and do bloodwork again in about 4 weeks, so we can check any progress at my next appointment.<br />
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Overall, I'd say my stomach is less audibly grumbly but that's about the only thing I've noticed. Actually, that and I sleep through the night now. Thankgoodness. My GI system still seems pretty out of whack most of the time though and I always feel SO tired. I barely have enough energy to stand in the shower, cook dinner or put clothes in the washing machine. I have no clue how I'm supposed to start exercising. BUT... apparently all of this is normal for what he thinks is going on. So I just have to keep hoping that it will improve. I have to say, Dr. Oz did an episode on Leaky Gut Syndrome the other day and it sounded like they were talking about me. And I'm sure the lining in my gut won't be magically repaired in 8 weeks so I guess I have to just be patient.<br />
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As for the diet part though, I want to encourage anyone out there that's on the same diet or about to be and is struggling or worried, it's not as bad as you think! The key definitely is being prepared and taking the time to prepare good meals. I'll admit, that has been very hard for me. I've always been a fan of "convenience" foods and not taking any longer than about 10 minutes to make a meal. I don't like standing and cutting or chopping and I certainly don't like preparing a meal for 45 minutes that will take me all of 5 minutes to eat. But, I haven't had a choice lately and it is definitely easier if I plan ahead and follow a recipe. <br />
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I'll mention again that I found a website that has been a LIFESAVER for me. It's <a href="http://www.allergyfreemenuplanners.com/">www.allergyfreemenuplanners.com</a>. She has the best recipes, all geared toward people on restricted diets and they are all simple and fairly quick. She even puts together a shopping list for you each week. Since I really started putting forth the effort of trying more recipes and expanding the list of ingredients I can have, I have made some really yummy things including:<br />
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-Carob chip cookies<br />
-Apple cinnamon pancakes<br />
-Tomato free chili<br />
-Grain free spaghetti with tomato free marinara sauce<br />
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I've even made bbq sauce, breakfast syrup and "chocolate" from scratch! Sure it helped that I've been unemployed the past month and had a little more time than usual, but even when I start my new job on Monday, I still plan on following my menu plans each week and hopefully doing a lot of prep on the weekends.<br />
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So hang in there and please share your experiences if you are on the same diet. Or even if you're not! I'm going to try to keep posting updates as I continue to go along. And hopefully one day soon, I will write the "I can't believe how great I feel" post! :-)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-47774849411720054472013-02-23T22:37:00.002-05:002013-02-23T22:37:56.042-05:00Do You Hear That?That's God moving you.<br />
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When you stop worrying, stop controlling, stop orchestrating, stop running around trying to "fix" everything. That's when you hear it. And feel it.<br />
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"Be still and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10<br />
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Funny thing is, I honestly didn't think it was possible for me to be still or at least be quiet. I'm still not too sure about that last part. ;) My mind is always going a hundred miles an hour and I'm always try to make sure everything is "under control." Normally if I lost my job and main source of income, I'd be flipping out. Applying at every KFC and Taco Bell and trolling Indeed.com into the wee hours of the morning. BUT this time was different. This time I <em>knew</em> God was moving me. It was so obvious... to be literally plucked out of a job completely out of the blue, especially a job that I thought was my "calling," meant that was obviously NOT where I was supposed to be. <br />
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I thought by taking a job at a small newspaper in the middle of nowhere, that I was being obedient and trusting. Because I was using my God-given talent and I was trusting that the finances would work out even though I was being paid the equivalent of a fry cook at McDonald's. I even endured the hour and half commute each way, sometimes at midnight, because this was what I was <em>supposed</em> to be doing, right?<br />
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The people I worked with were nice, I was getting great responses from my readers and I was getting good experience. So when I was let go out of the blue, I honestly can say that I didn't even for a second, try to "fix" it. Which seems really weird actually. For someone who fixes by their very nature, it's amazing that I never once tried to fix this. I think I allowed myself maybe two freak-out's in the past month and a half and that was only when I worried about my finances and each time only lasted about five minutes. Other than that, I just steadily got up each day, sent out some resumes and emails and stayed busy. But it wasn't like I was working hard to try to stay busy, I <em>was</em> busy. In fact, I've been busy ever since I lost the newspaper job. New volunteer opportunities came my way that I am more than excited about and my freelance work took off. Suddenly, I had several articles in the works for the newspaper (the Observer), a new client to write news articles for, a new blogging client and another client that reappeared from my past... I had written an article on her for the Observer and she had loved the story when it came out. She reached out to me because she wanted to write a book and said I was the first person she thought of. After speaking with her on the phone, we signed an agreement for weekly blog work, several press releases, two e-books and the book. AND she was going to share my information with her whole network of colleagues who may need my help as well.<br />
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I noticed even my job searching felt different this time. Whereas before I would've been more concerned with what the salary was for a job or where it was located, this time it was about how it <em>felt.</em> Having always been too concerned about what others thought of me, I would have also just interviewed for (and taken) any job that came my way because I'd think, "People will wonder who I think I am being picky when I don't even have a job!" But this time, I didn't care. That was HUGE. And my instincts were stronger than ever. Let me clarify that, my instincts a.k.a. the voice of the Holy Spirit within me. The employment agencies would call me about a job (and this should be a good thing) and my stomach would turn. Well that's a big ol' red flag. If your stomach is turning at the thought of even interviewing for a job, you probably don't want the job. Yet in the past, I would've gone and taken the job and then wondered why I'd flake out after only 6 months or a year. I never even wanted to be there in the first place. And you know what? All of those old habits just didn't <em>fit</em> anymore. That's not who I am and where I am going. So I took a deep breath, declined those interviews and kept on plugging. Being selective about what I even applied to, not running out the door to get some random retail job and most importantly trusting that God would provide to cover my bills. And provide He did.<br />
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He got me through the entire time since Jan. 7th without having to borrow any extra money from anyone or miss any bills. The day I was let go, I came home to a 401k check in the mail that got me through the first month. Right when February's bills became due and I was down to literally my last $1, my unemployment was approved and I got a deposit that was retroactive for several weeks. Just enough to pay all of my bills that were due. And every single time in between, when I'd get to the bottom of my account and need food or another small expense, I'd get a payment from a freelance job, or like today, another small 401k check that I didn't even know I had. Do you think these are all coincidences? It is God providing every step of the way. And I am so grateful for Him loving me so much. I am grateful that I finally stopped moving long enough to let Him and I'm excited about where I'm going now.<br />
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During this same time, I've had several other "puzzle pieces" fit together... my naturopathic doctor "prescribed" me a book to read that I already owned but had never read. My therapist suggested a movie that I also already owned and couldn't remember if I ever even had watched. All the pieces were already there and I just needed to put them together. Even this job that I just got the other day working as a personal assistant. The movie that my therapist had suggested? The Secret. The movie that is about the law of attraction. One of the main things this entrepreneur that I'll be working for focuses on? The art of attraction. Hmm. Not to mention that she focuses on healthy eating and recipes, which has become my life lately. I also just was talking to my mother about how I seem to do better with jobs that don't have a "traditional" structure and that's exactly what I found, a flexible job that's fun and can be worked around my writing.<br />
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It's as if all these people and events that have been in my life over the past year were all starting to fit together. Click.<br />
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Do you hear it?<br />
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Do you feel it?<br />
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That's God trying to move you. All you have to do is be still, be quiet and be moved.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-63615377966438311772013-01-14T21:45:00.000-05:002013-01-14T21:45:17.866-05:00What now?So, the title of this post has a double meaning. Both "what, now?" as in say what? And "what now?" as in what in the world am I supposed to do now?<br />
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As some of you may have already seen on Facebook, I was laid off this morning. Totally out of the blue, completely shocked, let go. Now this is the newspaper job that I just started a month ago, that I thought was me finally getting in line with God's will, getting to do what I love, a "meant to be" kinda job. After I interviewed for it, I KNEW he was going to offer it to me. The interview went really well but also the editor and I had very similar values, interests and outlooks on writing. I was sure as day that this is what God had been wanting me to wait for, month after month, at that miserable last job I was at. Or was it?<br />
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I came in to work this morning, feeling pretty bleh actually. I thought it was just the usual fatigue/blood sugar stuff but who knows, maybe I was having a premonition. Anyway, I had barely been there 20 minutes... came in, put my lunch away, used the restroom, booted up my computer and talked to my editor for a minute, when the publisher (my boss' boss) stopped me and asked me to come into her office. So I went in and noticed our accounting/hr person was in there too (but still thought nothing of it) and she says, "Well we've come to the 30 day mark of the 90 probationary period and we're going to let you go."<br />
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WHAT?<br />
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I swear I think I was in shock or something cuz I didn't even know what to say. I know I was completely poised and polite and I think I said something along the lines of "I understand" and "Thank you for the opportunity." The reason I was given is that they "needed someone with more experience, whose more familiar with AP style" and that my stories "needed to be edited too much."<br />
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Now, let me say here, that #1) they were 100% aware of who I was and how much experience I had when they hired me, #2) AP style basically just refers to punctuation/grammar/capitalization kinda rules and I keep a guide on my desk for reference anyway and 3) my editor doesn't even change my stories that much! Also, this woman who was speaking to me is the publisher, not the editor. I don't think she's even edited one of my stories.<br />
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So after I left her office, I went straight back to the editor's office. Now, let me pause again here to clarify, this is NOT the editor that hired me. The man that interviewed me, that I felt like I bonded with, that was such a great guy, had left and gone to another publication at the end of my first week there. I was kinda bummed but figured it'd be okay cuz the man who ended up taking over the position was the other reporter and he seemed like a good guy too. Also, the publisher had nothing to do with my hiring, at least as far as I never met her until after I was hired. She was out of town when I came in for the interview.<br />
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Back to me stopping in the editor's office... I said "so I guess you already know about that" and he just said what? When I said what [publisher - I won't use her name] just talked to me about, he just said "about updating your hours for Saturday?" So then I realized even he didn't know and I said no, she just let me go. His jaw literally dropped and he just looked at me in shock and said "what??" So I told him what she had said and he said he thought I was doing a good job and that he wasn't making that many changes to my stories and that he had already seen improvement in the couple weeks I had been there. (On a side note, this editor had also said several times that I was a better writer than him, that I had written for bigger papers than he ever had and that on one story that we co-wrote together, that my portion was more compelling than his.) So by this time, I had lost control of the waterworks and he said to me, "Well if it makes you feel better, I'm not the editor anymore." Now it was my turn to say what?? Apparently, right before me, she had him behind closed doors and told him that he wasn't ready for the responsibility of being editor and that they had jumped the gun (hmmm... same thing she said to me about the other editor hiring me). So now he was going back to being the other reporter.<br />
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I was shocked too but it all started to be a little clearer when he mentioned that there was some other guy who had already interviewed for the reporter position but didn't take it because of the money, who now apparently had come back into the picture and wanted to take the job. I guess originally he was going to fill the editor's open reporter slot but with him being demoted back to reporter, I was one person too many! I didn't even say anything to the publisher after he told me this but it seemed pretty cut and dry (and crappy) to me at that point. I went back to my desk and told the photographer who sits across from me and same reaction... jaw literally dropped and what?? Told my friend who works right next to me... her jaw dropped and what?? No one could believe it. The photographer shook his head and just kept saying how stupid it was and then said something like "you know what, that's par for the course around here" so I guess maybe stuff like this has happened before? The lady that works next to me had to leave (she's an ad sales rep) but she got my email/phone number (with tears in her eyes) and then the photographer invited me to lunch with his fiance (the poor accounting/hr woman who sat uncomfortably in the publisher's office with me) and another coworker.<br />
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When I was at lunch with them, I found out that apparently two other people were "behind closed doors" after they left for lunch, so who knows what happened with them. But personally, I just feel like the publisher must've wanted someone else for my position for awhile and not liked that the other editor that hired me. At first, she was sweet as pie to me and even told me I could stay at her house on nights with bad weather since she lived close by. But then these past couple weeks, I noticed she didn't talk to me or hardly even acknowledge me in the office and she never got my business cards which I had asked for like my first week there. Guess maybe the wheels were already churning at that point.<br />
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Like I said, I'm not an editor, but I would think that your readers expressing their enjoyment and approval of a writer's work would be important. Not to mention other editors of papers that are a lot larger and a lot more successful than yours. But hey, what do I know?<br />
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So I guess tonight I am feeling a mix of emotions. First it was shock, then it was sadness, then it was anger on my drive home, then just pretty much... nothing? I don't know if that's the right word for it or not, but after those initial feelings earlier today, I still find myself playing with the dogs, making my dinner and well... just going about my regular activities. I guess that's a good thing? Now, of course, if I even let myself start to think about the financial part and start to wonder how I'm going to pay all of my bills, then I freak out. But I'm not as freaked out about the job as I would've thought I'd be. It still sucks and I'm still all kinds of confused, but what's that thing about being broken down until you have nothing left to do but look up and depend FULLY on God? Maybe I've reached that point cuz all I'm really thinking at this point is wow, this definitely happened for a reason. Now I just have to find out (not figure out) what that is.<br />
<br />
Overall, I have learned that I unfortunately expect the worst most of the time. I know that's awful to say and I don't want to be that way, cuz generally I TRY to be a positive person. But I mean on a subconscious level, if I'm totally honest, I've realized that I do expect good things not to last and bad things to happen. I'm sure that's the product of a not-so-happy home environment growing up, then thinking I found the love of my life and picturing wedding/babies/happy ever after and having that go horribly wrong, plus losing my dad, my sweet puppy and a bunch of other craziness... I think I got groomed that way without even noticing. BUT I don't want to be that way, so I will intentionally continue to purposefully think the opposite way, even in cases like this. Honestly, I didn't expect this to turn out this way at all. But now that it has, I am <u>choosing</u> to not see it as another good thing coming to an end, but instead something okay getting out of the way to make room for something better.<br />
<br />
Who knows? My sister mentioned on the phone tonight that maybe I should look into jobs with animals since I have such an overwhelming love for them. It's funny cuz this whole time I've been thinking that I was going to look into something with animals for my PT 2nd job, but maybe it will end up being the other way around and animals will be my FT job and writing will go back to being PT freelance. I do know that I have literally been bombarded with animals for over a year now. At my last job, I kept finding animals in the parking garage (seriously, who does that??) and then at this job, I kept seeing dogs on the road that I traveled back and forth to Lenoir. Several right on the edge of the road that I drove myself crazy praying for their safety and one just this past Saturday that I pulled off the road and attempted to save (eventually some guy came out of the brush and called the dog over to him, after it had almost gotten run over not once, but twice!). Maybe that has been God talking to me, as I was driving to what I thought I was supposed to be doing, revealing to me literally from all sides, what I need to be doing. I do know without a doubt my love for animals is pretty much THE strongest 100% tied to my heart emotion that I have. Guess I'll see...<br />
<br />
I'm just going to pray, try to be quiet and listen, and of course... job search yet again. I know for sure God has blessed me to love/be good at:<br />
<br />
*Animals<br />
*Writing<br />
*Organization<br />
*Event planning<br />
<br />
There are other things I am good at and other jobs I can do, but I know these are my strengths and passions so hopefully I will still end up doing one of these things or maybe all of them! Only God knows for sure.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="text-align: center;">I know I'm not strong enough to be,</span><br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="text-align: center;">everything that I'm supposed to be.</span><br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="text-align: center;">I give up.</span><br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="text-align: center;">I'm not strong enough.</span><br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="text-align: center;">Hands of mercy won't you cover me,</span><br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="text-align: center;">Lord right now I'm asking you to be</span><br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="text-align: center;">Strong enough,</span><br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="text-align: center;">Strong enough</span><br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="text-align: center;">For the both of us.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="text-align: center;">-Matthew West, Strong Enough</span></span></span><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-41201921286777374922013-01-09T23:02:00.000-05:002013-01-09T23:02:44.571-05:00Repairvite Update #1So today is Day #9 of the diet . I can't say there's a whole heckuva lot to report so far. But I'm sure it takes a lot longer than 9 days for things to start changing for the better.<br />
<br />
One thing I have noticed is my fatigue/tiredness seems to be even worse, if possible. I can barely get moving in the morning when I wake up, I feel completely EXHAUSTED and it takes a couple hours for that lead-weight feeling to wear off. I'm thinking that might be because I haven't mastered the art of keeping my blood sugar level on this diet though. Not sure. Good thing for me that I have a job with flexible hours. <br />
<br />
On the good side, I have noticed less "gurgliness" on a day to day basis. There's been a couple nights where my stomach felt a little grumbley after dinner but not nearly like what I was used to on a daily basis before this diet.<br />
<br />
As for the pain in my side, unfortunately that's still there and is still as sporadic as usual. Interestingly, my urologist (for the ridiculous # of pee trips I take) said the pain MAY be associated with the IC (interstitial cystitis). So who knows maybe he'll be able to help with the mystery pain. <br />
<br />
Speaking of Dr. P... I had an exploratory procedure this morning and had to take a valium for it so I'd be relaxed. If you've never taken a valium, holy shnikes, that's some pill. They tell you not to drive but I made the mistake of running one more errand after I picked up and took said pill. Whoa! That was an interesting trip back to my house. <br />
<br />
Anyhoo... it wasn't anything too terribly bad and basically he just ended up saying he's pretty sure it's IC and prescribed a pill to take. Now even though I've been pretty anti-medication lately, I figure I will give this one a try because it actually is supposed to fix the actual problem and not just put a band-aid on the symptoms. Course, the two possible side effects are stomach upset - yea, like I don't have enough issues with that, and possible hair thinning - um, no. I already feel like my hair is thinner from all this stuff that's been going on with me this past year (my stylist thinks I'm imagining it) but you bet your butt I will have a close eye on the hairbrush!<br />
<br />
Right now my stomach is not too happy with me, but since it's actually been better since I've on this diet, I'm thinking it's probably the antibiotic they made me take after the procedure. See why I don't like medicine? So I'm not going to jump to any conclusions just yet.<br />
<br />
On the food front... I have become quite a fan of avacados, flavored olive oils and sea salt. I made a good meal tonight - italian vegetables with artichoke hearts. Yum! And the other night, made a rosemary chuck roast in the crock pot. YUM! Both were recipes I got off of a menu planner from this website I happened upon last week called Heart of Cooking (<a href="http://allergyfreemenuplanners.com/">http://allergyfreemenuplanners.com/</a>). Such an awesome site! And talk about weird, she lives in Frederick, my hometown!<br />
<br />
Welp that's it for now, I'm still kinda sleepy so it's lights out for me. Hopefully this new medication won't mess things up and the diet will keep doing what it's supposed to do! In the meantime, I will continue to dream of cinnamon toast, red velvet cupcakes and fro yo.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-57240317011700133402013-01-06T23:12:00.001-05:002013-01-06T23:12:04.446-05:00The Repairvite Diet... crazy or miracle?Well I'm about a week late in posting this since I wanted to start a blog about my restricted diet starting on Day 1. But it's only Day 6 so that's not too bad. ;)<br />
<br />
For those of you that don't know, I've been having some strange health issues for the past year, since about Jan/Feb of 2012. I've been to my PCP, a gastroenterologist (actually 2 GI docs and a GI nurse practicitioner) and an endocrinologist. I've been prescribed about ten different medications (not to mention the ones that I didn't even bother filling), none of which did a thing to help me. Which on a side note, can I just mention how disturbing it is how many times you are offered anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medications, etc. as a treatment option for real physical symptoms? It's crazy. Anyway, I now owe the hospital system several hundred dollars for absolutely NOTHING. <br />
<br />
It started in January when I started having a dull pain under my last rib on the left side. It was sporatic and not too intense so I didn't pay it much attention at first. In fact, I went on a mission trip in end of Feb/beginning of March and was fine. But by the time I came back from the trip, the pain had gotten more frequent and soon I started having problems with constipation, bloating and a lot of "gurgliness" in my side and stomach. When I went to the GI doctor that had done my colonoscopy in December (which was just a preventative measure at that point... I didn't even have any of my symptoms yet) and told him about the pain in my side, he said he thought I had pulled a muscle and to put ice on it and take Advil. WOW. So eventually in May, I saw a GI nurse practicitioner in the doctor's office where I worked. She did x-rays, had me drink several lovely concoctions, take several medications and even go for a not-so-fun "cleaning out" and literally 15 minutes after I left that procedure, clean as a whistle, I had the pain in my side while standing in line at a grocery store. Hmm... guess that had nothing to do with the pain, huh? The GI doctor that she worked with then prescribed me more medications and did an ultrasound, said he saw nothing and sent me on my merry way. I went to the endocrinologist to see if any of it could be thyroid-related since my symptoms seemed to match up with that and was again told, everything looks normal. At this point, I had pretty much given up although my symptoms hadn't gotten any better, in fact, they actually got worse.<br />
<br />
Besides the pain in my side, the constipation, bloating and gurgliness, my anxiety has come back, I feel strangely down/blah most of the time, I have shakiness/tremors, frequent urination, trouble sleeping, can't concentrate or focus like normal and am SO TIRED 24/7, I can hardly do my normal routine much less anything like exercise. I never sleep through the night anymore, I get winded just bending over to pull the laundry out of the washer and when I stand (yes, just stand) for too long... say, like the time it takes me to take a shower, my legs feel so tired you would think I had just run a marathon. I'll wake up in the morning and feel like I haven't slept in days. I don't have an "afternoon crash", I basically have a morning one, an afternoon one and a night one cuz I'm tired ALL day. I can't remember anything anymore without writing it down and just focusing on something is an effort. Not to mention the time I left for work in the morning and couldn't figure out where to turn onto the highway. Yes, the highway I drive every single day... it's like my brain forgot where the entrance ramp was.<br />
<br />
At first, I gained like 15lbs out of nowhere too, although I'm not sure if it's all still there (I don't own a working scale) but my stomach/waist is always distended so all of my clothes that just fit me last season don't fit me this year. And the worst part is, you get so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, that you stop wanting to even do anything. I worry that my friends won't even ask me to do anything anymore because of how many times I've said no or cancelled at the last minute from not feeling good. It sucks because I'm sure to just look at me, I probably look fine (although I can tell the difference when I look at myself in the mirror) but half the time, I just feel BLEH. I think I understand what people with chronic pain must feel like. Not that I at all compare my issues with theirs, but that I can understand what it feels like to not have "visible" symptoms. And then of course, I start to feel bad for feeling bad because I know how much worse it could be and how people with terminal illnesses can only wish to have the "issues" that I do. And so the cycle goes round and round.<br />
<br />
So about a month and a half ago, I decided to go to a naturopathic doctor. Pretty much as a last resort. At the first meeting, I had a better feeling than I ever had at one of the "conventional" doctor's offices. He gave me SO much information that most of it went over my head but I felt like he at least had a clue. He sent me for a couple blood tests and I got all of my records from the other docs for my next appt. At that appt, he again gave me more information than my brain could handle, but he said my bloodwork clearly matched up with the symptoms I was complaining of and... surprise! I wasn't crazy. Well hallelujah. He said he could tell off the bat, I have issues with my blood sugar, have an autoimmune disorder (although he couldn't say for sure which one specifically without further testing), have adrenal/thyroid issues (yes, the numbers traditional doctors use when they decide what's "normal" are not always accurate) and he thinks I have what's called "leaky gut syndrome." I didn't quite get all of what that is but something about the membrane that lines my intestinal tract is not intact so things get across it that shouldn't. So basically, bad things can get in and good things can get out. He said my body doesn't break down nutrients properly so I'm barely getting any essential nutrients from my food and on top of that, he thinks I may have some food allergies so my body is most likely wasting a ton of energy attacking itself every time I eat the "wrong" thing. Oh and, my white blood cell count is elevated (which again, all the other doctors missed) which is a sign of a chronic infection. He wasn't sure exactly what it was again without further testing.<br />
<br />
HUH. Gee I wonder why I've been feeling like crap lately.<br />
<br />
So what's the solution? Well to start with , there are supplements. I'm taking a probiotic, two other oral supplements, a lotion supplement and drinking a lovely concoction called Repairvite that is like caramel-flavored sand that dissolves in hot water. Yum. Then there's the diet. I wasn't the ideal patient since I decided to wait until after Christmas/New Years to start the diet. I figured it would just be too hard with all the parties and food everywhere. So I started on January 1 and this will be my life for the next 2 months:<br />
<br />
What I can eat:<br />
-Meat (antibiotic free, hormone free, grass fed beef, chicken, turkey and fish)<br />
-Certain veggies<br />
-Certain fruits<br />
-Coconut<br />
-Fermented foods (pickles, sauerkraut, kombucha tea)<br />
-Yam noodles<br />
-Olive oil<br />
-Spices<br />
<br />
And THAT'S IT. So to make that more clear, here's what I can't eat:<br />
<br />
-Other vegetables like potatoes, peas, green beans, etc.<br />
-Other fruits like bananas, pineapples, mangoes, etc.<br />
-Any dairy products<br />
-Any grains including oats, quinoa, wheat, etc.<br />
-Any sugars including agave, honey, chocolate, etc.<br />
-Eggs<br />
-Nightshade foods including tomatoes, eggplant, tobasco, peppers, etc.<br />
-Condiments<br />
-Beans<br />
-Nuts<br />
-Soy<br />
-Coffee<br />
-Alcohol<br />
<br />
Yea basically, 95% of the grocery store. So for this week, I have mostly been eating berries, turkey sausage, avacados, chicken, spinach, sweet potatoes and broccoli. And I have come to the conclusion that I am just going to eat to sustain my life for the next 2 months, not to enjoy it. ;) And if it works and it actually changes how I feel, IT WILL BE WORTH IT.<br />
<br />
I read a bunch of posts about this diet on the internet the other night and I was inspired. Most people that said they had done this diet said it was awesome or "life changing" and all of them said they had the same symptoms as me... GI problems, fatigue, anxiety, depression, brain fog, etc. I found one girl who said she was going to blog about her experience but never posted again after the first day. So that gave me the idea to do this. I love to write and I'm doing the diet, so I may as well share it! I'm not very educated on how to get my blog out there to the people at large though, so I hope maybe it will come up for them in a search like it did for me cuz I'd love to hear from other people that have had similar experiences or are doing the diet too! And I hope to keep up with updates about how it's going for me.<br />
<br />
So goodnight for now... wish me luck!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-19243444304455494302012-03-31T21:24:00.002-04:002013-01-09T23:18:17.512-05:00From The Inside...Well this blog has been on my heart for awhile now and I've been putting it off since I've been "busy." Which I really have, but I'm sure on some level, I probably wasn't all too thrilled to write it. It's kind of a mixed emotion... I am very motivated to write this because I think it is SO important for people to hear this stuff, both for those who are in a similar situation to know that they aren't alone and for those that know someone in a similar situation so they can maybe understand something they may not have otherwise. But it's also not the most fun thing in the world to go back to a place you had to fight to get out of. With that said, here is the view of an abusive relationship FROM THE INSIDE.<br />
<br />
For those of you reading this that don't know me well, I'll give you just a little background first. I have never been a "casual dater." I never really had a serious relationship before <i>him</i> (I'll refrain from using his name) and it was completely by choice. I dated guys sure but if I knew after one or two dates that it wasn't really going to go anywhere, that was it. I never had really been in love and was again, quite alright with that. I had a great single life and enjoyed my time with my friends and the few dates that I did go out on. So when I met <i>him</i> at the age of 30, I thought he was the "one." Everything that I had avoided before... meeting the parents, meeting the friends, staying over, letting him see me without makeup, saying "I love you"... it all came so easily and we had so many "signs" constantly from the universe around us that it seemed obvious that we were meant to be. And just like anyone else this happens to, I was ecstatically happy. The world seemed more colorful, every song on the radio seemed it was written just for us and I envisioned a happy life with marriage, children and growing old together.<br />
<br />
Now here's the first thing I want to "explain" (if that is even possible) about being in an abusive relationship. The abusive person is not abusive in the beginning. Obviously. They're not even a glimpse of that person. For all intensive purposes, they seem wonderful and perfectly normal. More importantly, it's not like one day they just haul off and hit you (or call you something horrible in the case of verbal abuse). It is a slow and gradual change that sometimes is so drawn out, the person involved doesn't even realize it is happening. I can honestly say to this day, I don't understand how I got from time A (normal, happy relationship) to time B (nightmare life). Everyone thinks "I'd never end up in a situation like that!" or "The first time someone hit (or verbally abused) me, I'd be out of there!" or something very similar. But the truth is, <b>YOU DO NOT KNOW UNTIL YOU ARE IN THAT SITUATION. </b>I certainly never thought "yea, I might end up in an abusive relationship one day!" If anything, having grown up in a verbally abusive home, I surely thought I would be extra-careful not to end up in a similar situation. But this is not like you go out with someone and on the first date, he calls you a name or shoves you across the room. You'd surely run out of that restaurant and never look back, right? This is months (sometimes years) into a committed, serious relationship with someone you love and adore. Many people still at this point may have trouble understanding this and I completely get that. That is exactly the problem with the situation... IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. <br />
<br />
Often times, the first time something happens, you are left confused and hurt, but your automatic reaction is to, in the end, forgive. Now here is where I have to stress that I can only speak from MY experience, at the level which I experienced abuse, with the dynamics in MY relationship. Women (and men) experience all different levels of abuse, many of which are ten times more violent and frightening then what I experienced. In that way, I was lucky. So for those people, there is probably a huge element of FEAR keeping them in their situations. For me, the dynamic was always one where it was made known that it was NOT okay, there were apologies and forgiveness and promises of change. That is another common thread in abusive relationships, the abuser feels bad for what they have done (and I do believe the feelings can be genuine) and wants to change so they beg for forgiveness and even take steps toward getting better - counseling, medications, etc. If you are a codependent (which many people in abusive relationships are), this is exactly what you need and want to hear. You want to help this person because you love them and you genuinely believe they are suffering and need to get help (which they do). So you work extra hard to help them get better. If you have been or are in this situation and have done this, YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON, STUPID OR GULLIBLE. Do not believe this from other people and do not tell yourself this. You are a very caring person and you just are hoping to get the person back that you love and that usually, you have when things aren't "bad."<br />
<br />
Again, I will stress that this is what I experienced in my relationship but many times (especially in verbally abusive relationships), the dynamic is the same. The abuser is not abusive all the time. In fact, it's probably not even 50% of the time. Obviously if they were, it'd be a lot easier to leave them. Instead, in a lot of relationships (like mine), the person you first fell in love with is still there. You still enjoy talking to them, going places with them and being affectionate with them. The abusiveness <i>seems</i> to occur in isolated incidents, which makes it all that much easier to believe that it's not who they <i>really</i> are. You truly believe that the person you see before and after an "incident" is the real person and for whatever reason, something else takes over during the abuse. In my situation, it was something he held dealt with most of his life. He ended up confessing later that his "temper" was something that had affected his relationships before ours and he wanted help. Another factor that played into our situation was the fact that he (like I) had grown up in a verbally abusive home as well (never underestimate the power of underlying childhood experiences). Now, although I do still believe to this day that he was genuinely sorry and genuinely wanted to be different and not hurt me, it is important to point out that you <b>can't separate the abusiveness from the abuser.</b> Whether or not they want to be like they are, the abuser IS who they really are. This IS the person you fell in love with and that is probably the hardest thing you have to try to comprehend. It's probably a defense mechanism on some level, but I cannot explain how difficult it is to not separate the two in your mind. To give you an idea, think about your spouse or significant other right now. It doesn't matter if you've been with them a year or 30 years. Try to imagine that person that you love and share life with, suddenly pushing you just a little too hard or saying something nasty to you. Does it seem utterly impossible? Or confusing even to think about? Exactly.<br />
<br />
The other main thing that plays into the longevity of an abusive relationship is the breakdown that takes place in your spirit. The biggest change that takes place in this kind of relationship is the personality of the abused person. <b>There is not a "type" of person that can be or will allow themselves to be abused. ANYONE can end up in an abusive relationship. </b>In fact, probably every person reading this knows someone whose life has been touched somehow by abuse. The abused can be poor or rich, all races, all ages, a waitress or a CEO, a college graduate or a high school dropout. What happens for all of them though is a gradual wearing down that eventually leads to a mode best described as "survival." For me, I was a super-independent person that had always lived on my own, had good jobs, was pretty financially responsible, was spiritual, had a lot of friends and quite a spunky attitude if I do say so myself. But with months or years of growing stress and endless amounts of energy being spent of trying to "save" the relationship, your spirit gradually gets beaten down until all you want to do is get through the day without anything bad happening. <br />
<br />
Now having just said that last sentence, I know there are still many people out there that "don't get it." I don't blame you. The problem is you're trying to make sense of something that's senseless. You're trying to see something as black and white that is anything but. Even having been through an abusive relationship, it's still hard for me to really <i>understand</i> parts of it. But as I did tell a family member once during a brief moment of awareness while I was in the thick of it, "you are trying to talk to the rational Jenn that you know and I am not her right now." That is one of the most important things I could say to someone whose friend or family member is in an abusive relationship... <b><u>do not try to make sense for, rationalize with, argue with or patronize the person you love</u>.</b> They are in a terribly emotional, complicated, painful and confusing situation and having someone make them feel stupid is the last thing they need. Of course you can (and should) still stress how wrong it is and how much they deserve better. Just have patience if you find yourself saying it over and over. Your loved one may indeed be making no sense to you, telling you things that are painful to hear or telling you the same things for what seems like the 400th time, but the best thing you can do is just BE THERE. This is probably the most important thing I can tell anyone who knows someone in an abusive relationship... <b>DON'T LEAVE. </b>I remember being on speakerphone with someone from a women's shelter/support group while my mom was listening. It was about 2-2 1/2 years into my relationship and I was still talking to him and my mother was at her wit's end. For whatever reason, I had called their hotline for some sort of help and I remember the woman saying to my mom (with me listening) "Don't drop out of the picture. Everyone else will so it's critical that you don't." I don't think it even registered to me at the time, but she was exactly right. I lost some of the most significant relationships in my life. I will say, being "out of the fog" now... I can understand why people may leave. I'm sure it is impossibly frustrating to hear someone you care about stay in a bad situation. Maybe it hurts, maybe it stresses you out, maybe it frustrates you, or a combination of them all. I have been in support groups and heard others' stories and can acknowledge how draining they sometimes sound. But, I will repeat what that woman said to my mom on the phone way back when... <b>DON'T LEAVE.</b> You don't have to agree with what they're doing or even like it, just support them. However you can.<br />
<br />
The other thing that I experienced myself that I have also since learned is very common in these situations is for 1) the abused person to be called selfish and 2) the abused person to want desperately to meet everyone's approval. It pains me now to discuss these types of things with my counselor (who I still see 4 years later). I know how utterly hopeless, helpless and desperate someone can feel in these situations. I know how badly you just want your relationship to be normal and how hard you work for that to happen. And I know how deeply you can care about people - both the person you're in the relationship with and the other people in your life, your friends and family. So I know how painful it is in the midst of all of that to be called selfish. Again, I am not placing blame, as I can say I can probably understand where that comes from too. If you are talking to your loved one and all they are doing constantly is talking about their relationship, their struggles and their issues, it can seem like they are very self-centered. But the best way I can explain it is, the relationship DOES become your life. It is a 24/7 stressor that you never get a break from. And for some people, the short amount of time they get to talk to a family member or friend (because usually these relationships become very isolating over time as a result of trying to keep the peace and not "rock the boat") is the only break they get in a whole day. The time they have on the phone or in person with you may be the only chance they have to decompress and vent all of the insanity they have to try to hold in on a daily basis. Yes, this is often focused just on them and it may be frustrating especially if you haven't even seen or heard from your loved one in weeks or months (again with the isolation). BUT, it is <u>NOT</u> coming from a place of intentional selfishness. The person who is talking this way is usually not even aware they are doing it. I know this both as the person who's done it, and since then, who has listened to others in the same situation. All you can do is ramble on, sometimes desperately for hours, trying to get some sort of understanding, advice, or even just a listening ear. And if you are the one in this situation right now, please know that <b>it is not just you.</b> There are endless numbers of support groups, online message boards and counseling offices full of women saying the same things and sounding the same way. It is another part of the dynamic that goes on in these situations. And the up side is, IT WON'T LAST! Once you really end the relationship, you will stop dwelling on it, you will stop needing to rehash it in an effort to make sense of it and hopefully if you're lucky, you will be able to reach out to others later and help them realize the same thing! :)<br />
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The other part is that often the abused person is desperate to meet everyone's approval, even in the midst of a nightmare. Right after having been through the worst night of my life, where the abuse reached an all-time high and ended with him in jail, part of my thoughts were consumed with whether or not people were mad at me for calling the police. I never doubted whether or not calling the police was the right thing. I knew it was but I was very concerned with how everyone else felt about it. This seems absolutely ludicrous to me now that I even had to worry about that, but unfortunately it is also <u>very</u> common. Just as I experienced first-hand, there will always be some people (in my case, his family members and friends) that will make themselves completely blind to the actual severity of the abuse and blame the victim for "overreacting" or in my case, calling the police just to be "vengeful." It is another part of domestic violence that angers and sickens me. So to all of you that are in this type of situation, PLEASE know that you are NOT to blame for your abuser's behavior and you are NOT wrong for protecting yourself. There is always going to be someone unfortunately that will try to make you question this or hurt you by acting blind to the truth, but PLEASE do not doubt yourself. Stand strong.<br />
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Abusive relationships will always hurt. Physically, verbally, emotionally. Once the relationship ends and the wounds begin to heal, there will be a grieving process that has to take place. For the abused person and their family and friends, there has to be a realization that a great loss has occurred. The grieving is similar to a divorce or even a death and it has to be allowed to properly run its course. Don't try to rush it or "snap out of it." I was not even aware until recently that often people coming out of abused relationships experience PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I always associated PTSD with soldiers coming home from war and never even thought about it in relation to myself but have found out that it is common and can manifest itself in many ways. That is why it is so important to take the time and make the effort to let yourself heal properly. And those of you on the outside, please don't downplay your loved one's experience. Realize it for the traumatic experience that it is. <br />
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I was "lucky" (if you can call it that) that my experience with domestic abuse wasn't as bad as it could've been. I did a fundraising walk for domestic violence last year and just in that one day, heard stories that are absolutely devastating. It still is hard for me to even use the words "abusive relationship" because I can still feel that natural tendency sometimes to want to downplay things or just talk about all the "good times." But I do feel like it is my duty and responsibility, having come through such a situation, to reach out to others that are in a similar situation or knows someone who is. If I can help even one person not to feel alone or one person to understand their loved one just a little, I will have done my job. It is an exposing thing to write a blog like this, but too often the issue is hidden and not talked about and that needs to change. The fundraising walk that I spoke of isn't happening this year since they're large corporate sponsor (who I won't name) backed out and the shelter I still go to for counseling struggles every day for funding. Unfortunately, the issue often gets overlooked but there are always small ways to help. Donate some time, money or supplies to a local shelter or safehouse. Raise funds. Offer support.<br />
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And for those of you still "on the inside"... hang in there. Be strong. Breathe. Pray every day. Take small steps. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU REALIZE. Remember who you are and what you deserve. Keep going.<br />
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You <u>will</u> get to the outside.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-83262732301004529892012-02-19T12:44:00.000-05:002012-02-19T12:44:46.057-05:00Winning the WarIt is 6 days until I leave for my mission trip to Honduras. I have all my supplies stacked neatly in the corner of my room. Travel-size toiletries, check. Medicines and shots, check. Passport, check. Satan's attacks, check.<br />
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Oh yes... Satan. Boy does he start throwing a tantrum when you set out to do good things for God. He's consistently showed up in the past, kicking his feet and whining and throwing his toys at me from across the room. And I will admit, in the past he has won a couple battles, but he will NEVER win the war. <br />
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See, this is the thing he doesn't seem to get. I have God on my side. God is in my heart, my mind, my soul, my every breath. You can point out my flaws or throw obstacles in my way and yes, you may succeed at making things a little more difficult. But you will never stop me from spreading God's love and shining His light. <br />
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We mustn't underestimate how much we will be attacked when we are working for God. Nothing is safe... your feelings, your finances, your family, your friends. It may seem as if God went on a vaca and forgot all about you. But in reality, it is quite the opposite. God is like your coach over in the corner, while you're poised in the middle of the octagon. (Ok, sorry, random UFC reference, but hey, the analogy works) He knows how strong you are, He knows your heart and He knows you can defeat anything Satan may try to throw at you.<br />
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I have had my share of obstacles come my way in regard to this mission trip, some big and some small. But God showed up as He always does and not only confirmed for me that He most definitely wants me on this trip and has great things planned for me, but reminded me it is exactly those things that we sometimes think are our weaknesses that are His biggest gifts to us. They are what makes us who we are and are our greatest tools in spreading the love of God.<br />
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So, flawed and all, I am excited about my trip and can't wait to see what God has in store!! Oh and Satan, watch your mailbox, I'll send you a postcard from Honduras! :-)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-8567251922060879562011-06-05T22:46:00.000-04:002011-06-05T22:46:57.311-04:00One of These Things is Not Like the OtherHave you ever found yourself wanting to be like someone else? Or wished that you were more like "everyone else"? Most likely everyone can say they have felt that way at least once in their life. But have you ever wanted to be different than everyone else? Have you ever found yourself purposely striving to be different than <em>everyone</em>? It's probably not as common as the first but is actually what we all should be striving for.<br />
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I have felt a little <em>different</em> from "society" for quite a few years now, but especially in the past 6 months or so, it has become all the more clear to me that I don't want to be like everyone else. In fact, it's quite the opposite. That is not to say that everyone out there is the same. Of course they're not. But when I say "everyone", I mean our society at large. <br />
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I don't find the need to post my every waking thought on Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, YouTube, etc, etc, etc... my cell phone is NOT something I can't live without... I don't worship "celebrities" that do nothing but get famous from drinking, partying and hooking up with a bunch of people... I don't think it's "normal" to casually sleep around... I DO think it's possible to not only not cheat on your spouse, but to respect them completely by not "innocently flirting" at work or online... I don't care who wins American Idol... I don't think a Playboy playmate is the ideal of an attractive female... I don't want to read a book on a handheld elecronic device... I don't enjoy watching movies where every other word is a curse word... I do value honesty and expect people to tell the truth... I wish teachers and nurses were paid more than football players and reality tv stars... I don't think 12 year olds need cell phones, Ipods and Ipads... you get the idea.<br />
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I know this is how I feel and I know that I won't change who I am or how I feel about these things, but what I realized tonight after the message at my church, is that I actually want to STRIVE to stand out. I don't want to be like "everyone else" and I will live my life in a way that demonstrates that. My favorite line from the Nicole Nordeman song <em>Brave</em> is "So long status quo, I think I just let go..." And that is exactly what stepping out from the crowd for what you believe in feels like... <em>letting go</em>. <br />
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I do not want to fill my shelf with idols of things that society worships. I don't want to add my own "addendums" to the Bible (well yes, <em>technically</em> it says this, BUT...). I don't want to succomb to society's ideas of what's right & wrong, good & bad, beautiful & ugly, important & insignificant. I will continue to stand for what is right for me (and God).<br />
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I hope and pray that society will start to change some of its ways, but until then, I am perfectly happy to be the "odd one out." ;-)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-10676467662030786182011-04-18T22:58:00.000-04:002011-04-18T22:58:12.587-04:00Mission PossibleThis past weekend I had the pleasure of going on my first mission trip. It was a short, regional trip to Welch, WV to do some small home repair projects for different members of the community. I had always wanted to go on a mission trip and had been all set to go to the Dominican Republic about 8 years ago, until a last minute glitch kept me from going. So, when I saw the email about the mission trips with the Cove, it felt like the time was right. And even though I of course wanted to jump right into an international trip to Honduras or South Africa, I knew the right thing to do was to start out small and go on the regional trip first. <br />
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I was nervous... things like staying somewhere new and not knowing what the eating or sleeping arrangements would be like, not knowing exactly what I'd be doing and not knowing anyone on the trip are all the kinds of things that would normally make me anxious. And they did, a little. But the overall feeling was one of excitement and pushing forward through any anxiety, because this was God's work for me. Just like a few years ago, when I unexpectedly ending up doing a public speaking engagement for a women's church group. I was PETRIFIED of public speaking, but knew I had to go through with it, because it was God's plan. And just like then, it turned out to be a great experience. One marked distinctively with Godwinks right from the beginning...<br />
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The day I left, I ended up driving by myself and put the address of the mission clubhouse into my GPS on my phone (not even thinking about the fact that there'd be no cell phone service out there). Everything was going along just fine, as I was trekking way my way up and down the mountains of West Virginia. Driving on roads that were barely wide enough for two cars, with 180 degree turns. I was winding my way up one of those roads when I saw a skinny, stray dog on the side of the road. Well for those of you that know me well, you know I CANNOT pass a stray dog. So I didn't and sure enough, I turned around and pulled off the road. I spent about a half hour trying to get this dog to come over to me and/or get in my car. I wasn't quite sure what I'd do once he got in the car, but at least he wouldn't be on the side of the road by himself. :) Well he wasn't having any of that, so I decided to go all the way back down the mountain to a mini-mart I had passed and get him some food & water. I went all the way back, bought a can of food, a bottle of water and grabbed a big styrofoam cup and headed back up the mountain, only to find that my little friend was nowhere to be found. :( I looked up and down the road a couple times, but he was gone, so I had to give up and continue on my way. One problem. When I turned around, the GPS stopped because I had gone off the route and asked me if I wanted a new route. When I said no, to continue on the same route I had been on, and the GPS refreshed, it lost the signal. And it never came back. So there I was, by myself, with no written directions, a GPS that wasn't working anymore, no phone signal to call anyone, driving in the desolate mountains of West Virginia. I had heard the next direction was to turn right at the end of the road I was on, but after that I didn't have a clue! So when I got to the next intersection, I simply continued to pray what I had been praying ever since the GPS stopped working, "God, please guide me." I continued to drive on and on... through the twists and turns of the mountains, having no idea where I was or where I was heading, continually hoping for the GPS to work again and praying for God to lead me. When the GPS finally came back on, the voice announced that I was 1.8 miles from my destination and it gave me the last couple turns I needed to pull up right in front of the mission clubhouse. Thank you God! :)<br />
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Since the trip was a construction trip and I'm not exactly Bob Villa, there wasn't a whole lot for me to do, but God found ways to use me... even if it was just to pour water on concrete, drill in a few screws and to paint. I met a lot of wonderful people from my church that I didn't know, and most importantly, I got a good look at how different life is for the people of McDowell county, WV. We tend to automatically think of poor conditions when we think of third world countries, but it's not often that we realize how impoverished our own "backyards" are. That people in America in 2011 are still living in homes without running water or a roof over their head. It was very eye-opening, but also humbling, that I was able to help, if only in a small way. Our group fixed roofs, put up drywall, built fences, did plumbing and even did some repainting at the mission clubhouse. But overall, our purpose was to pass along the love of God through our acts of service.<br />
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I came home very much inspired to return to WV in the fall, to hopefully be able to go on an international mission trip soon and with two ideas of my own that I would love to bring to WV. While passing through the downtown area one day, one of the women on the trip noticed a small dress shop in town and how they seemed to be getting ready for prom. There were a few dresses in the front window and I realized in this area where there are no shopping centers, no malls... this was probably the only store where teenage girls in this area could get a prom dress, IF they could even afford one at all. I know that a local radio station here in Charlotte does a donated prom dress drive for girls in this area... but if there is a need here, imagine the need in the poorest county in the whole country! And, especially close to my heart... I saw stray dogs everywhere and heard stories of numerous amounts of puppies being born from dogs that were left loose to reproduce. I would love to do something about this as well and hopefully bring a low-cost or free spay/neuter clinic to the area, to control some of the pet population. They are both "projects" that were laid on my heart and I will continue to pray and work on them, but would love to hear from anyone who would be interested in helping!<br />
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And on an unrelated but yet very much related note... the message at my church last night, that I heard just a few hours after returning from WV, was on tithing. But it wasn't really about giving 10% as much as it was about TRUSTING GOD. The same thing that helped me to change my perspective about my "desert university" experience. The same thing that helped me let go of everything I had been so discontent with and trying so hard to work out on my own. The same thing that allowed me to go on a trip with no one I knew to an area I was unfamiliar with and be secure in the knowledge that God would use me. The same thing that I realized during that message last night was the next step for me in this journey. FAITH. Trusting in God. It's not about worrying over giving away 10% of your money, especially when your paychecks are already as small as mine are. It was almost automatic as the pastor spoke... I can't trust only in certain areas of my life and not in others. I can't hand control back to God (where it should be) over some things but still hold on tightly to others. And it was that simple realization that got my checkbook out of my purse and the check into the offering box. It all really comes back to the same thing...<br />
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Having faith in God with all parts of our lives.<br />
Doing our best to serve him and others.<br />
And trust, trust, trust.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-84258875383022297512011-04-11T00:05:00.000-04:002011-04-11T00:05:52.161-04:00Desert UniversitySo as has been the case for the last couple weeks, I found myself strangely (or not actually) choked up at the end of my church service tonight. I know it's something you hear a lot (at least if you go to a good church), in fact, it was part of the video package they showed before the service tonight... one of our church staff members talking about how he felt when he first starting attending and how he thought the pastor must've had his living room bugged because it seemed he was speaking directly about him each week. Well, I have felt the same way and tonight was just another step in an experience that is so much bigger than me. The "Desert University" experience as our pastor put it in his message tonight.<br />
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When we find ourselves lacking in some area of our life, feeling as though we are discontent with everything and we are in the "desert". However, instead of worrying and focusing on how discontent we are, we should be patient, trusting and grateful during these times. The times spent in the Desert University, is when God is trying to teach and discipline us. There is a much larger lesson going on then what we are usually aware of. When we are feeling furthest from God is when he most likely is paying us the most personal attention.<br />
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I personally know exactly what area(s) I have been feeling discontent with in my life recently. I have used that exact word. Expressing my lack of contentment, happiness and peace. I felt confused, frustrated, sad, irritated and sometimes hopeless over the situation. Like no matter what I did, the situation wasn't changing. But now I realize what I was in indeed DOING was worrying, questioning and not trusting. The message tonight reminded us that worrying is to not trust God. That is exactly what I have been doing. Worrying, thinking, analyzing and trying so hard to MAKE my situation change. When instead I should just be present in the moment, peacefully listening for direction and grateful even if my situation is not exactly as I would like it to be. When I realize that God is working on me bigtime right now, it all makes sense in a way that hours of worrying and overthinking couldn't ever achieve.<br />
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The areas I am discontent in are real. The things I was worried about are really the current state of affairs. BUT... again to quote our pastor, God will let you go through periods of hunger, but he will never let you starve to death. There is a reason why God has removed the things he has from my life, there is a reason why there are certain things that are still missing from my life, there is a reason why some of the attempts to change the situations (whether by me or others) have not worked out, there is a reason why I am being "broken down". It is not abandonment or something to be sad or angry over. Instead, it is God loving me so much that he will continue to work in my life until I am completely dependent on him, as I should be. Until I finally stop focusing on a hundred different things in a hundred different directions. Until I finally stop trying to control things... fix things... worry myself to death... until he finally has my full and undivided attention and I realize...<br />
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Oooooohhh.... so THAT'S what all this has been about...<br />
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in that case.... THANK YOU GOD.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-66135726639713517632011-03-19T18:36:00.000-04:002011-03-19T18:36:32.138-04:00+ or -Have you ever actually pondered that age-old question, are you a "glass half full" or "glass half empty" kinda person? Nah, I haven't either. I mean if someone asked me offhand, sure I'd say I'm a half full person. I try to find the positive in things. But I've never actually <em>really</em> thought about it... and, like most of us, find myself frustrated with so many things in my day-to-day, that even I'd have to stop and wonder, is that all talk?<br />
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But I literally found myself looking at a glass the other day that was half full of water. It was just sitting there on my coffee table and my gaze just randomly fell on it in between whatever I was working on on the computer and happened to look up at on tv, but nonetheless when it did... that's what I saw. A glass half FULL of water. And I consciously realized it. I then had to stare intently at that glass to see it as half EMPTY. Like when you stare at one of those optical illusion pictures where if you look at it one way, it's a rabbit, but if you look at it another way, it's an old woman. I had to <em>make</em> myself view the half empty portion of the glass. And ya know what? I'm glad!<br />
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I always say who you are really is who you are when no one's looking. You know... you tell the truth even if you'd never be "caught", you stop at a red light and wait even when there's not a soul around... it's who you are behind closed doors, who you "default" to... that says who you really are. Well in this case, this is who I am when I'M not looking. ;) When I wasn't preoccupied with worrying about something, hoping for something, overanalyzing something to death (like I love to do), planning for something... when I was simply just <em>being</em>... I was being positive. And that makes me happy. :)<br />
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We all are going to get overwhelmed. We're all going to question ourselves and our lives once in awhile. We all become a bit of a Debbie Downer once in awhile. But if underneath the everyday stresses and worries, we can hold on to a solid foundation of hope, goodness and optimism, we have all we need. Because it is that positivity, that light, that will continue to guide us through the dark times and remind us of how blessed we are, in the simplest of ways.<br />
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Like having a glass half full of water.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-14030450340916427842011-03-17T18:21:00.000-04:002011-03-17T18:21:54.883-04:00A is for AwesomeSo... here I lie with type A influenza. Serves me right for opening my big mouth and saying I didn't need to get a flu shot because I "never get the flu." Uh huh. Anyway, what better time to write a blog then when completely incapacitated?<br />
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I can't believe I'm even going to utter this sentence, but I was very inspired by the Oprah show today. Ugh. And by what Michelle Obama had to say on there. Double UGH. Anyway, the episode was about military families and about how most Americans don't <em>really</em> think about the sacrifices they go through unless they know someone in the military personally. That sure, most people will stop a soldier in uniform to say thank you, but that's about it. That if your life hasn't been personally touched by the experience of having a loved one deployed or of having lost a loved one in the war, it is easy to disconnect. I personally have two family members that are in the military and two friends that have already been deployed multiple times, and I know it is still easy to forget about the reality of war, once your loved ones are back home, safe and sound.<br />
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The basic idea Michelle Obama was getting at though is that she wants to start a nationwide initiative of everyone in America doing <em>something</em>. Employers should set up plans for military spouses to be able to move through satellite offices when having to relocate often, principals should be aware of children who are in military families, and that even those of us who think we can't do something, can always do <em>something</em>. If that means showing up on the doorstep of a military family with a homecooked meal or if you work in a salon, offering a military wife a maincure or pedicure... a chance for her to have a little break. Basically, the same idea that I wrote about in my very first column with the Charlotte Observer... just do whatever it is that you're good at and God will make something bigger from it. The same rule applies here. Just do whatever it is that comes naturally to you and there will be some way for it to grow into a larger way to help others.<br />
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One of the military wives mentioned that besides the obvious issues military families deal with, there are also other things that no one ever thinks about. For example, after the big, tearful homecoming, the solider who's just returned home, has to figure out how to fit back into the groove of things at home. That they often have missed so many important events with their families, they can feel left out or unneeded.<br />
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It's another one of those cases where it's something we should be aware of all the time, but tend to easily forget. Thank you to all of you who have served in the military in the past, to those of you that are leaving your families to go serve right now and all of you that will continue to do so in the future. Thank you is really an understatement, as no words can truly express the sacrifice you make so the rest of us can live a life of freedom and peace.<br />
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God bless you all! Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-68820787480392240292011-03-10T15:48:00.001-05:002011-03-10T17:23:24.424-05:00Who Woulda Thunk It?As much as I hate to admit that I watch a show like Mtv's "Teen Mom" in the first place... I have to say I have found myself pleasantly surprised by just how chocked full of life lessons it is. And I don't mean the obvious one about teen pregnancy... I mean just the lessons that are wrapped up in the relationships between these girls and their boyfriends, their ex's and their families.<br />
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It is like those "biospheres" I learned about in Microbiology (yes, I did actually pay attention at some point)... this little show about this small group of girls represents a lot of larger issues that we all go through in our lives. Obviously, the main issue these girls are dealing with is figuring out how to be a teenager while handling the responsibilities of a mother. But I can relate to many of their situations personally or just recognize them as struggles we all deal with.<br />
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Take the one girl, Chelsea. She is beautiful, has aspirations of being a hairstylist (which you can tell she would be good at cuz she always has cool looking hair) and seems to generally be a sweet, caring girl. But it's amazing to see how much she puts up with when it comes to how her boyfriend treats/has treated her. One moment on an episode today particularly stood out to me. After her boyfriend had been completely ignoring her and their baby, blaming his infidelities on her and basically having the overall maturity of a 12 year old, she takes offense to him calling her a b**** "for no reason." NOT BECAUSE HE CALLED HER THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE. She was upset because she said he called her that for no reason, because she wasn't being one. I wanted to jump through the tv and grab her and tell her "it's not okay that he calls you that EVER!!" I watched her literally start to question herself and say SHE was the one who had issues, when she couldn't trust her boyfriend because he had cheated on her in the past. He literally had her thinking that 1) she had caused it in the first place and 2) that she was the one who had issues to work on because she couldn't just get over it already. Again, this is a teenage "relationship" but represents the same situation that so many women (and men) find themselves in. Where their own self (and self WORTH) have gotten so lost that they forget the very basics of love. There is never a "reason" that will make infidelity, harsh language or just disrespect in general, justified. Ever.<br />
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Another girl, Jenelle, has a tumultuous relationship with her mother. Granted, if I were forced to choose sides, I'd be on the mom's "side" most of the time. BUT they both have issues that keep their relationship from being a successful, loving one. It does make my heart break to watch this girl go off and party or stay with her boyfriend, while her toddler son literally stands at the front door and cries, watching her go. I want to jump in the screen and shake her too and get her to realize how precious it is that she has that little life standing there, wanting nothing but her love and time. That if any boyfriend was really a man, that he would want nothing but for her to give her son the time and attention he deserves. But I feel bad for her in the scenes with her mother too, because so many times, whether her intentions are good or not, the mother rips the girl to shreds. Even when some of the things she's saying may have some truth to them, the mother comes at her in such a demeaning and negative way, it does nothing but drive them farther apart. It's another instance where I, in my typical fashion of wanting everyone to be able to just see everything as simply as possible, wish that they could both just take a step back, be grateful for one another and speak to each other with love and respect.<br />
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Kailyn, brought up the issue of honesty in my mind. Although her and her ex obviously had many other issues going on, it made me want to shutter seeing the blatant dishonesty that was going on. It was another situation where she (I'm not singling her out, so many people do the same) looked out for her best interests and what would work out the best for her at the time, instead of just being 100% honest. I get the strangest reactions sometimes when I stress how much I believe that is how everyone should be. It's like people think, well yes, obviously honesty most of the time is the best policy, but there is always going to be a time or two where you <em>have</em> to tell a "little lie." Okay, first of all, there's no such thing as a little lie... if you lie about something little, it will just grow and grow. And second of all, there's a never a time that you <em>have</em> to lie. Even if the truth will cause harm or pain, lying about it only doubles that harm or pain.<br />
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Ironically, the one girl, Leah, is the one I enjoy watching the most on the show now. She drove me nuts the few times I watched it last season, I will admit. But again it was because I wanted to shake her! She had a guy who not only was willing to be there for her when she got pregnant, but he stepped up in all ways, financially, emotionally, and you could tell he honestly cared about her and the babies. Amazingly, after all the bad times they went through, they got back together and now are such a cute little family. They're not perfect, just like the rest of us, but they just seem to have the basics down - love each other, respect each other, be honest with each other and be there for one another - as a team.<br />
<br />
I may have just put the show on for noise in the background while I work on my homework or my thirty-one business, but I am glad I did. They make me think. They make me feel. And those are good things to do. ;) I wish nothing but the best for all of them on the show, as I do for all of us going through the same things in our lives everyday. Like I said, I really do think life should be (and CAN be) a lot simpler than it is alot of the time...<br />
<br />
*Be honest<br />
*Be respectful<br />
*Be loving<br />
*Be supportive<br />
*Be kind<br />
<br />
and...<br />
<br />
*Don't ever let anyone be anything but these back to you!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-67836605382786982752009-05-28T15:59:00.000-04:002009-05-28T16:18:32.853-04:00It's a mad, mad world...Well it's definitely been longer than I wanted it to be between blogs but is it just me or does time seem to be flying by like crazy lately? Between trying to find a new job (like two-thirds of the country), dealing with relationship and family issues, paying bills and managing money, taking care of the dogs, doing household work, and just plain eating and sleeping... it's like where does the time go??<br /><br />Anyway, I am still going to make it a point to make the time to write because that isn't just about me. It's about the people that will end up reading my entries and it's about God - since it's all for him anyway. <br /><br />I didn't get a chance to mention it in my last entry, but God did give me an unbelievable opportunity recently that both humbled me and scared the crap outta me. I received a call from a reader that had held on to one of my Statesville Record & Landmark articles because it inspired her - it was an article about believing you can change anything about yourself, if you depend on your faith. She asked me if I did speaking engagements and if I would be willing to speak to a women's group at her church. Now, inside I was screaming "noooooooooooo!" but I felt like there's no way I can say no to this woman because obviously God wants me to do this, so I went for it.<br /><br />Needless to say, I was a complete basketcase the entire day leading up to the speech and I had a few panic attacks just thinking about it and could barely eat. But I did it and I lived (imagine that!) through it and now I really feel like I can do anything! Cuz never, ever would I think I could speak in front of a room full of people and here I spoke to 80 people! It was humbling to me that God chose me to speak to these women though and I felt privileged to have him there with me the whole time.<br /><br />So in the madness of the everyday.... where I sometimes wonder where all the time goes and what I am doing from minute to minute... I am glad that God is still right there to keep me grounded. When I am focused on the wrong things, he brings me back on track. When I start to worry that I am losing my own motivation, he'll step in with a little <em>Godwink</em> through a message at church or something I read in a magazine or on the internet, and I feel his gentle "push" again. <br /><br />Once you let God in, he's not going to leave you. He's going to stay right there by your side like the best friend you've ever had in your whole life. So even in the madness of this world, we all have to remember that he's always there and he's always leading you quietly to where you need to be.<br /><br />Thank God for God! ;-)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1981001254494481217.post-76162789597596743732009-05-18T17:30:00.000-04:002009-05-18T17:39:08.738-04:00Welcome!After a long and eventful journey, I've decided to go ahead and give Jesus his own blog. ;-) Well in a way anyway. <br /><br />I used to write on my MySpace page about whatever was on my mind that particular day... greed, love, envy, friendship... and along the way I happened to just inspire a few people. Not just my friends or even my MySpace "friends," but also total strangers that just happened upon my blog and found what I had to say interesting. I got so many positive responses that I realized God obviously wanted me to do something more with it, so I ended up writing for a few newspapers. I was lucky enough to inspire some more people before the fall of America's economy took away my writing outlet. :-( <br /><br />Here is a link though to some of my articles that were published: <a href="http://www2.statesville.com/content/list/lifestyles/religion/columnists/baxter/">http://www2.statesville.com/content/list/lifestyles/religion/columnists/baxter/</a>.<br /><br />So... now it's back to the barebones approach! Back to blogging and venting... and maybe touching someone's life out there in a positive way. I also just got accepted on as the Spirituality examiner for the Charlotte area, so check out my page at: <a href="http://www.examiner.com/x-10718-Charlotte-Christian-Spirituality-Examiner">http://www.examiner.com/x-10718-Charlotte-Christian-Spirituality-Examiner</a>.<br /><br />That's it for now! Hopefully the hectic day-to-day craziness of life won't keep me from writing too often and I look forward to hearing from you all (at least the nice ones of you anyway!) :-)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05101959666865568567noreply@blogger.com0